To many, the thought of being watched in moments of vulnerability, sexuality or at all is the most terrifying thought there is. People have nightmares about being nude in public, about being caught in the act. To me, however, this thought always has been among the most exciting.
I was a shy, late bloomer who didn’t know how to talk to my crushes and had never had sex. All the same, I was intensely sexual and although I wasn’t ready to be with someone else, I found a way to meet my needs. It wasn’t long after I got my first computer that I discovered chat rooms full of people having “cyber sex”. I loved secretly logging in, pretending I was in my mid 20s and dirty talking. Soon, though, it wasn’t enough. I found a way to turn on my webcam so that the whole chat room could see me. I would obscure my face, and slowly strip down to nothing, much to the excitement of the members of the chat room, mostly men. I’d start to touch myself as the faceless viewers would type encouragement and requests that I would ignore. The number of viewers would rise, only matched by my excitement, and finally I would reach a shuddering climax. I would slowly come down, riding the orgasm all the way back to the ground, hearing in my head the roaring applause of the hundreds of people watching me. They were surprisingly polite, they would thank me profusely, and I would thank them in return, giving them a little wave before logging out, satisfied. I did this many times, but I remember one time in particular I received a private message from a fellow who said, “Thank you, I really appreciate the show… but you REALLY should be getting paid for this.” I was flattered, but the sex industry was so foreign to me at the time that I didn’t even consider it an option.
Flash forward to the present day, and I am finding new and exciting ways to satiate my thirst for exhibitionism. I love to go to the middle of an empty dance floor and lose myself in the sensuality of movement, knowing that there is a room full of wallflowers watching, just wishing that they could join me. Sometimes I’ll open my eyes and beckon one to me and invite them into my world. Sometimes I’ll seek out a fetish night or a local sex party (only ever the ones that are very focused on consent) dressed to the nines in my sexiest outfits and let my date parade me around to be gawked at. My current favourite, though, has been filming my weekly erotic videos and posting them to my personal ManyVids page. The very thought of people watching me get myself off makes me more excited than I could ever describe, not to mention that more and more people have been sending me custom video requests (my favourite), detailing their wildest fantasies for me to bring to life.
The best thing about this exhibitionism journey for me, is that I know that it’s only just beginning. Each new skill and idea builds upon the one before it, and I learn new combinations of exciting and consensual ways to express and experience the joys of my kink.
Do you have a kink? What has your journey been like? I’d love to know!
Til next time,